I’m Just A Product to Healthcare

I’m so sorry fellow patients!

For years now I have fought hard against being called a consumer in the healthcare space. The main crust of my argument was that I was a human being in pain, that my quality of life as not a commodity. I foolishly, and I now know arrogantly, believed that my quality of life did not belong on a company’s balance sheet or income statement. Boy was I wrong, and not just wrong, but wrong on a galactic level. My swollen joints from my rheumatoid arthritis, my chronic pain, my heart issues, my diabetes are a product, an economic opportunity for a hospital or upstart healthcare company.

Healthcare is a business. There is no difference between a patient like me who is seeking help for my pain and you going shopping for a new thong for that upcoming beach vacation. We are both just products in a market economy.

Don’t fret, I do have some good news. With this apology and new found awakening, I have come up with a new economic strategy for us patients. Now, the beauty of my strategy is it can apply to both acute and chronic patients. Many might argue that these two groups should be separated in order to essentially create 2 markets. I say that’s silly talk, we as patients should stick together in order to form one supper dupper market. Just imagine, if as products we combine my swollen joints and pain with cystic fibrosis patients with sleep patients with cancer patients. Since our low quality of life is a product, by combing all of us we would have a potential market that could even crush the thong market. Now, that’s true power.

The 3 Gas Tank Theory

First, I’ll admit, I obviously don’t have any education in marketing or communication. If someone, hopefully a fellow patient, has a better name for my theory, please please let me know. As a product, we need to be more conscious of how we market ourselves.

Now, what is the 3 Gas Tank Theory you ask?

One of the main reasons the Trump administration and CMS think prices are so hight and are so pro artificial intelligence (AI) is because they believe us patients, I’m sorry us products, don’t shop around when we are sick. I’m being serious too, I did not make this part up. They believe that after breaking a bone or receiving a cancer diagnosis, we should pull out are phone and ask Claude or ChatGPT where is the cheapest doctor that could help us. AI can and must be used to shop for cheaper healthcare, after all, if we products would utilize the cheapest option then prices everywhere would drop. Hear that fellow products, it's our fault going to the doctor requires us to refinance our house.

It is in that spirit, that I have come up with the 3 Gas Tank Rule. Even though most products are neatly organized in stores for customers, we products apparently need to take ourselves to these potential customers (healthcare). So we need to utilize AI in order to help us.

For acute conditions and symptoms like a broken bone, pneumonia, COVID, migraines, etc, we should ask AI to find us the best deal up to 3 gas tanks away. To put it another way, if your car gets 200 miles a gas tank, you should drive up to 600 miles away to get your broken bone or COVID treated. Sure that is a long drive for a broken bone, but you can take comfort in knowing that next year a clinic or hospital might lower their price $100 so you only have to drive 400 miles away next time. Also, if you have any form of human empathy, you can take pride in knowing that because of your heroic act of driving 600 miles your friend or brother only has to drive 400 miles when they get COVID. You are adding value to the market by finding the cheapest option 600 miles away.

I do have bad news for my rare disease friends. As products, you are probably not long for this world unless you are willing to accept some level of risk. And by risk I mean but your life in danger for the good of the market.

Sure, you might have developed a level of trust and respect for the doctor that has been treating your cystic fibrosis or cancer for example. Due to the complexity of those diseases, the market dictates they must charge more than say my rheumatologist since autoimmune conditions are fairly common and therefore not worthy of a higher reward. Despite having this trust and respect, please don’t bother them with something as routine as say pneumonia. You could just as easily go to a doctor 500 miles away to get a prescription than force your trusted and very busy doctor to spend time on something as mundane as pneumonia.

Yes, as a cystic fibrosis or cancer patient a simple case of pneumonia might kill you. But in reality, that is part of the fun according to healthcare C-suite types. Imagine the excitement and pure relief you might feel if you are able to drive the 500 miles to get your pneumonia prescription and are still breathing the next day. That joy is the reward you get for following the rules of capitalism.

Tips for transitioning to the 3 Gas Tank Theory

Although my realization that I’m nothing more than a product to healthcare might seem like I’ve become heartless, I’m not completely…yet. So here are some tips and suggestions on what to ask AI when developing your 3 Gas Tank plan.

My first rheumatologist was named Dr. Eckland. Up until recently, I thought he was amazing. Dr. Eckland, very selfishly, would not allow himself or staff to wear a watch while examining a patient. He was costing his clinic thousands and thousands of dollars by not watching the clock so he could jam in more patients. Not only that, he did not allow clocks in his exam rooms. The idea being he and his staff had to concentrate on the patient in front of them so they could “get it” instead of worry about time management. Can you believe this level of narcissism and disrespect towards me, the product?

As a product, you want efficiency and predictability, you don’t want a Dr. Eckland. Those are the 2 most important aspects to business according to any C-suite type. This means when you ask AI for a list of doctors within your specific 3 tank range, you should ask it to find doctors with dozens or even a hundred clocks in their office. Empathy is the antithesis to efficiency and predictability, no one wants that.

If you have read my posts before, I have not been kind to the people at PROP (Physicians for Responsible Opioid Prescribing). I thought these people were pure evil since they advocated strongly that I wasn’t in pain because of my rheumatoid arthritis and rock climbing accident. What I was actually seeking opioids for was for some childhood trauma that I was being triggered by my rheumatoid I guess (also a true story, women are not in pain either, they are relieving a sexual abuse in their childhood).

Turns out I was wrong, PROP isn’t pure evil they are just drumming up business for behavioral health types. As a product, it is easy to assume you just need a primary care physician to treat your COVID or runny nose. PROP clearly shows that as a product, there are endless opportunities to sell your low quality of life too. Long story short, make sure you don’t limit AI while it conducts your 3 gas tank plan.

Finally, I was under the false impression that my lived experience as the product should count for something. It doesn’t, especially in the eyes of C-suite types or mid-level type managers. Unless you have a masters or phd from a top level university, your opinion or wishes do not mean anything. Yes, you might get some celebrity in a hospitals internal newsletter or quarterly in-person staff meeting but even then the focus will be on the courageous effort of the doctor, nurse, or even the hospital. You are just the eye candy to their courageous and humble efforts. So make sure your AI knows your lived experience means nothing, it’s just business baby.

It goes without saying, this new epiphany is still being developed and explored in my head. As I become more articulate, sure, and understanding of my life as just a product for healthcare, I will continue to develop my 3 Gas Tank Theory.

One More Thing

If you are wondering if I’m for real or is this just an attempt at sarcasm, please don’t waste your energy on me and this post. I’m nobody, I’m somewhere on the spectrum of worthless to meaningless in the eyes of healthcare, capitalism, markets, and its leadership.

If you are truly wondering if I’m for real or not, take your question to your doctor and ask them. If you work for healthcare, ask your questions at the quarterly staff meeting to the C-suite types that are there. If you plan to vote (please do), ask your questions to candidates. In 2026, under this president and current healthcare leadership, these are sadly the only people who matter. Until they hear your questions over and over again, we patients will never be nothing more than a product to them.